Monday Morning Aging

They talk of euthanasia
As the solution to their financial problems.
The reason they say is compassion,
But the zeal in their eyes as they rub hands
Belies a different reason.

I am not old but no longer have youth,
Or the foolishness of eternity
To hide my fears in.
I wake to vulnerability,
And know that only God can save me.
For if God is with me
What man can stand against me.

The long necked women of Isaiah
Are a different matter.
I can not predict a future in the chaos
Of the present world,
Each course I take is blocked
With money lenders and boundary movers.

If only I could trust in God more.
If only my faith were strong enough.
I shudder and another reason for fear
Comes unbidden into my mind,
Which has been taught by careful academics
Hiding behind walls of sycophants and tenure.

Even as I take pride in my frontier service,
I know that I am kept far from the courts,
Which are glad to have their warriors at a distance.
No need then to share the women, wine and song
With the rabble that defend it.

If I trust in God then this service is made more.
If I love my God what Song of Songs on earth
Can give me what my hearts desire has sprung forth.

I work in the world but my love is with that
Which is imminent and transcendent.
Let me know you more, God of Gods,
Almighty, all knowing, all being, evermore.

I would find my lost youth in your newborn love
This Christmas advent season.


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